© Danielle 12/97
Lost....
Blindly, I race to catch it
My tears slipping from my cheeks
My heart is racing frantically
Still i find not what I seek
I feel as if I have traveled forever
And have forever still to go
I keep on moving closer
But to me it never shows
The further behind I leave them
The closer they seem to get
When I think I am close to the finish
A piece of the puzzle just doesn't fit
My mind tells me I have gone mad
My ears hear the words whispered too
I'm lost in a place of nowheres
and I haven't a clue what to do
If only I could find someone
To lend a hand and maybe a care
Then i could lose these monsters
Or find they aren't really there
Well enough of this wishful thinking
I have many miles left to face
I'm still trying to dig my way out
Though I only see empty space
But in the future maybe I will see you
And maybe It will be worth the cost
Just maybe someone will love me
And I will no longer be lost....
© Dani...1-98
Him
He smoked Marlboro and the gray haze
littered my dreams, not as a child but
as a prisoner of war, I was not enlisted
nor threatening, yet I was captured
and made to do the work of a woman
four times my age. Innocence shaken,
ravished and rummaged through, as
I am the one left picking up the pieces.
A kiss goodnight has more meaning now
as does being left alone with "him"
in my house of cards that comes
tumbling down the minute everyone is asleep.
And I am prey, a victim, a broken branch
in a forest of perfectly lined trees.
Fragments of seconds hold me captive,
I scream inside yet no one hears
I'm petrified as I sleep by the wall
(or as close to it as I can get without becoming it)
wishing I was invisible,
untouchable and free.
(c) Linda Dominique Grosvenor
RELIEF
Words Burst Forth
Notice how a simple thing you say
Can tear someone apart?
Or a reaction before the thinking
Can sting like a needle through the heart?
The words we say have more power
Then the fists of the street.
One simple word can tear a heart
And bring one to their knees.
Chorus:
All these words burst forth
And they can't be taken back.
Snarling snapping bring to tears,
It can never be taken back.
Fearful engines whine the call,
But no one seems to hear.
And every time the words flood out
It stings a virgin ear.
Like venom from a snake bite,
Flooding through the veins.
Mind bursting into fire tombs,
And falling down in flames.
Chorus
Watch the lips of ungaurded fears
Twisted words spew forth.
Restrain the ones that tear the soul
A hand over the mouth.
Play their game of tears no more
And fetch the us the glue.
All we can do is mend the broken
And make the lies true.
Chorus
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Secret Like A Killer
He builds the walls around them,
And works them to the bone.
One steps out of line,
Emotionally beaten with stones.
He lays back and watches,
Takes the verbal abuse to flight.
Taken out to the back,
Broken and woven too tight.
Chorus:
Alive.
With a secret like a killer inside.
And I never want to see you again,
Don't let your mind
Scrape through my eyes.
He destroys their self esteem,
For his sick mind game.
Stolen and ripped at the seams,
His head is crying rain.
Walled in his own abuse,
Reliving past regrets.
Taken by him there is no use,
End or end all they must choose.
Chorus
Put an end to this,
Hard to break his hold.
But fight against it,
And break away his molds.
It's hard to resist
The temptation to fold.
But pry the iron grip,
Dont be left to mold.
Chorus
And it ends again,
And it begins again.
Somewhere out there,
Somewhere in the cold.
Cry and regain their strength
At the base of their cry tower.
Break away with collided strength,
And build another home.
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Silent Chains
Some other man some other town,
He's the one that drags you down.
Ripped in half in the night.
Drunk again and out of site.
Mumbling words he doesn't know,
Left facedown in the snow.
Another place another time,
Brutality his only crime.
Chorus:
So you left him in the cracks,
And you swore there was no going back.
But every time he lied loved you he said,
You think he won't do it again.
He swears again he'll never do
Anything to hurt you.
You can see flame in eye,
It just makes you want to cry.
But every time you see the signs,
And the neverending brutal times.
He says he loves you so,
He doesn't want to let you go.
Chorus
And you're broken in by the shame,
This agony is making you insane.
Overpowers you once again,
You can't see and he's not dead.
Somewhere there is hope for you,
And you know what you must do.
Break away the silent chains,
Never go back to the same.
Chorus
Out there there is hope for you,
Lights that show what you must do.
Break down the silent chains,
And never be beaten by the shame.
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Where In Hell Were You?
I was verbally tortured as a child...where in hell were you?
I lived terrified on nights my father came home drunk...where in
hell were you?
I lived terrified when he came in late...where in hell were you?
I lived in loneliness when I was little...where in hell were you?
My ex-husband left the two kids and me with no food or money...where
in hell were you?
I had to sell personal belongings and antiques to keep us going.....where
in hell were you?
I lost my home due to repossession.....where in hell were you?
I had to scrimp and scrape together $900 for rent and a deposit.....where
in hell were you?
I lost my job.....where in hell were you?
I was lonely.....where in hell were you?
I ate leftovers from 2 weeks prior that made me sick.....where
in hell were you?
I had unnecessary surgery, got sick many times.....where in hell
were you?
I needed a friend to talk to, someone's shoulder to cry on.....where
in hell were you?
I lost my mother at Christmas time last year.....where in hell
were you?
I was promised wedded bliss and was expected to serve him as a
god.....where in hell were you?
I was jilted out of thousands of dollars .....where in hell were
you?
I was used, abused, and confused .....where in hell were you?
I've been raped, pillaged and burned.....where in hell were you?
You were not there when I needed your loving kindness. I called
out to you.
Only God was there to answer.
And with God as my witness, I will not do to others what you have
done to me.
© 1998 Roxann
Puppetmaster
Tied to their strings,
Forgotten everything.
Snapped up by him,
Dancing and singing.
Reversed loving,
These puppets on their strings.
Tossed about by him,
Controlling everything.
Chorus:
It's the same way,
Every day.
The strings that bind them,
Every day.
The things he makes them do,
Every day.
Locks them inside him,
In every way.
He paints their faces happy,
Hides all they feel.
The little kids enjoy the show,
But their life is a living wheel.
Round and round it goes,
Stumbling along barren desert.
He makes them wait
Inside all their forced hurt.
Chorus
The nightmare of him,
Forced into their eyes.
Drawing pretty clothes,
He makes their life a lie.
Walls of his cage,
They walk around lifeless.
In the circus of his stage,
The strings that make their life lies.
Chorus
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Sun
Little girl, she plays outside
just because she loves the sun
She laughs as she plays
She sings the whole day
Oh, she hurts no one
Yes she hurts no one
Come in my room
And I'll give you a toy
And he closed the door
But she didn't know
Just how far he would go
To satisfy demons inside
He Listens to demons inside
(Chorus)
Don't tell a soul of
Your terror inside
He made her promise
As her innocence died
And the pain and the hurt
Were plainly ignored
As he forced her to come back
Tommorrow once more
(Bridge)
And she laughs no more
She laughs no more
She fights through the tears
for many a year,
and it's so fucking hard
to live with the fear
And she feels so ashamed
'Cause she feels she's to blame
But somehow she makes it
She casts him away
Oh she's back to laughing
most everyday
She's a strong lady
Despite what he's done
And she has to smile
When she plays in the sun
She still loves the sun
God, how she loves the sun.
Copyright 1995 Brian Gavin
Thumbody Loves You
Flight Of The Survivor
She's like a flower in his garden.
Watered, kept alive,
Only to be torn from it's roots.
His garden full of victims.
Pick and choose, dead alive.
Mock towering wisdom.
And she is like the money in his pocket.
Keeping, saving,
Only to be burned on useless toys.
The dollars in his wallet.
Lying, waiting,
How will he feed his joys?
She lies awake at night,
Next to him in the dark.
And why can't she find the light,
Dulling deep inside her heart?
He wakes in the morning.
She cleans him, she feeds,
Not a thank you as he leaves her.
Home sometime late tonight,
Abuses her needs,
He never knew what they were.
The eyelids tear her down,
Peering, seething,
Hot words fog the air.
And when he's done with her,
Sitting, kneeling,
Fixes her with hard stare.
And when he is away,
She sits at the kitchen table.
What could she ever say?
Or is she even able?
Breathing in her face.
In a hot bed at night,
Screams break out from deep within.
Tearing at her insides,
So they fit just right.
Wine glass shatters nearby desk light.
Completely spent and wasted,
Went from bed to the floor,
Lashed out at her with his nails.
She's left bruised and bloodied,
In the corner near the door.
Nobody hears her silent wails.
She is alone in her head,
Tired of the endless pain.
She just wishes she was dead,
Some lifeless body in the rain.
But suddenly voices pour into her head,
She snaps to full attention.
Familiar and yet so mysterious,
She lifted her eyes and listened.
The voices soft at first,
They rise in her ears.
The voices of her friends,
The comfort of the years.
She stares at the sinner in her bed,
And saw everything perfectly clear.
Didn't wait one more minute,
Took her things and left.
Went to the comforting arms
Of those friends that were left.
And so he wakes in the morning.
Wants his breakfast,
But she is nowhere to be found.
So he made his way to work,
Without the slave girl,
But now he is looking around.
Not for her anymore,
He couldn't care less,
But for an easy kill.
And as long as we're aware,
And watch for the tear,
He never will.
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Dark Tomb
"God, help me...somebody help me..."
She screams in the night.
Torn by the hands
Of the man
That was supposed loved her.
Nobody hears her cries,
And she's so trapped inside,
All his walls.
His cage.
Stabbing sticks to see what she'll do.
She sits in her corner,
In her dark room at night.
She feels like she's nothing,
She feels so dead inside.
And every time he screams,
Like needles through her heart.
But she knows he's there,
Waiting,
Staring,
Those cold eyes in the dark.
And he springs,
She screams,
And his games begin again.
Terror rains out of her,
The pain explodes inside.
She stares into nothing
As he throws down her body.
These nights just keep happening,
But nobody believes.
She says "He is doing these awful things to me!"
But nobody listens to her.
And every night these sheets dripping pain,
He is in the hallway,
She can hear him,
Breathing hard,
Waiting....
And once again he strikes.
She fights back with everything she has,
But he is just too strong.
Everywhere she goes,
She feels that burning deep inside.
She feels his eyes upon her.
Those cold steel eyes.
And she sits in her corner,
Her eyes flood with tears.
And his shadow moves without a sound
Into the dark room.
And she prays,
And she wishes,
And she whispers to herself in that dark tomb,
"Please...no more...
...no more, Daddy..."
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Dear Mom
I had to sit and write you as I think of you today,
There's just so much down in my heart, I never got to say,
It's hard for me to say these things, my anger wants to guide,
Yet there are other feeling here, feelings I can't hide,
I think about the days of old and all the love back then,
Today it seems I made it up, like a dream or just pretend,
You cut me off from all your world and say, " just stay away."
There's nothing I can do except get on my knees and pray,
I'm still that little girl you raised but now I am full grown,
My values and my morals come from what I learned at home,
You taught me to stand up for what I know is right inside,
That only served to take from me, your love, once felt with pride,
I think about you often, I wish things weren't this way,
I know there isn't anything that I can do or say,
Some day you might just change your mind and open up the door,
I only wish, if that day came, it could be like once before,
My kids are growing very fast and they do not know you,
They're innocent in all of this, yet their hearts feel so blue,
No grandma and no grandpa, that seems to ring a bell,
It's clear I can't except their loss, my heart's locked in a cell,
My husband feels my sadness but there's nothing he can do,
You see, this is the choice you made, it's all left up to you,
I simply had to tell you all the things I feel inside,
For now it is so clear to me, your love for me has died.
copyright by Ginger Burton
Ginger's Poetry
Get Back What You Deserve
As I sit and watch the door, I worry when he’ll come,
He’ll find something to hit me for, no matter what I’ve done,
I wonder if there is a God, if so where has he been,
I think that he is scolding me, for a past or present sin,
I ask him for foregiveness, to make this go away,
It never seems to do it though, I think it’s here to stay,
When I was just a little girl, my daddy would tell me,
I always will protect you , just wait and you will see,
The world goes by and still I sit and wonder what went wrong,
My life is like a nightmare and all my hope seems gone,
I’m told that there is hope for me, someone will save my life,
I don’t know how this could be true, I see nothing but strife,
One day I got my courage up and said, “ No more I say.”
You do not have the power to hold me here this way,
Now I live in peace and love and only thoughts remain,
It’s seems that God heard all my prays and now there’s
no more pain.
copyright by Ginger Burton
Ginger's Poetry
Listening for Judgement
I try to keep the door of memory shut
concerning the closeted secret things
which occurred between you and I,
so long ago, but hinges peel back,
closed portal opens, and I remember;
childhood images of terror rarely fade.
When night opens its black maw
and silence swallows me whole in my bed,
sometimes I hear footsteps again.
Stealthy, hungry footsteps pounding,
like blood in my ears, pounding like
terrified heartbeats, an impossible weight
hammering the anvil of a young breast,
coming closer, pounding, keeping time,
trapping time, killing childhood time,
with tiptoed metronome steps falling
like thunder no one else could hear. . .
I was too young for this knowledge.
Yet old enough for twisted needs,
the images bound forever inside me;
a finger placed against lips,
a shushed warning breathed heavily
between clenched teeth,
a shadowed face in motion,
illuminated by a halo of illicit lust
like foxfire, like Will 'o Wisp mist,
to fade like a ghost in gasps of fulfillment;
back to dark swamps of origin,
as you probed away my innocence.
I was too young for this knowledge.
I am grown now, and bent with secrets.
The hair on your head is gray,
and you are bent with age.
You no longer wish to hear
the laughter of children,
because you are listening
for the horn of Judgement now.
I meet your eyes from time to time
with hooded gaze and wonder,
if you've reconciled your soul. . .
© Ruth Solomon 1998
The Pages of Ruth Solomon - Realm of the Onyx Muse
Blackened Eyes
Through your blackening thoughts,
And your blackening mind.
I never took a step back,
Away from your blackened eyes.
Your bleeding heart,
The pain running through your veins.
Deep blue black ringed eyes,
Your head's crying for rain.
You've cried the same for years and years,
Getting so used to your dried up tears.
You try to fight back but you never win,
And the skies above your head are far from clear.
Step outside your blackened mind,
And stare through unblackened eyes.
You see everything is there,
It's there ripe for the taking.
All you need is the will to get there,
You need strength not given right here.
There's something you can't find,
And you'll never find it under him.
You've tried the same for years of tears,
Getting so used to fighting back the tears.
Every time you try you lose once again,
But never give into your own fear.
He sketches blackened eyes,
Masks your face in those lies.
But now whatever you do,
You feel him following you.
It just doesn't work for you,
When all you get is the dead.
So lifeless to your own self,
Blackened eyes in your head.
You've tried fight same for so many years,
Your just getting used to giving up years.
Every time you tried to stand by yourself
You fell and everything collapsed in fear.
He never let you fly for these feeble tears,
You cant get used to him beating your years.
You need to fly you need to beat down your fears,
These blackened eyes you need to break out of here.
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Cage Wall Well
For as long as I know I was in that well,
Floating on my back staring at the sky.
Every penny tossed in for good luck,
Bounced off my dry tear eye.
Many times I've tried to claw my way up,
But these walls are too slippery.
And every time I begin to give up,
There's just something else that pushes me.
Chorus:
Look at me,
Look at me now.
I'm tearing myself apart,
And it's all for you.
Look to me,
Look in my eye.
I'm drowning myself,
And it's all for you.
I've lived in the well all my life,
Watching the spiders climb the walls.
I can't sleep or I'll sink,
So I've stayed awake all this time.
I stare at the hovering sun,
And the walls don't move and don't give.
I want to make myself go blind,
So I don't have to stare at that grin.
Chorus
Floating on my back in this cage wall well,
The water is beginning to burn.
The flames eat me alive,
And my stomach starts to turn.
I can see your piercing eyes,
And my heart skips a beat.
As long as you've fed me these lies,
You've had the upper seat.
I don't know where I've gone,
Or rather where you've pushed me.
But as long as there was this well,
You kept me in it so you could be,
Be the one in charge,
Be the one to fly.
But can I ask you something,
How can you when you don't know why?
Stare at me,
Look at me.
I'm climbing up these walls,
And it's for me.
Look at this,
Can't you see.
I've been burned alive,
But I wake up,
And it's for me
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Making Up
She’s making up just to avoid a fight.
She’s making up just to survive the night.
He’s making up excuses to hit her again.
He’s making up apologies he doesn’t even mean.
She’s making up her face to cover the marks.
She’s making up lies to cover the pain.
Chorus
Seems making up is a woman’s way.
Making up and going on another day.
Time to see making up in a new light.
Time to do what she knows is right.
She’s making up her mind that this isn’t right.
She’s making up a plan to disappear into the night.
She’s making up for lost love and time.
She’s making up dreams and a new life.
She’s making up for the pain of all those years.
She’s making up for those rivers of tears.
Repeat Chorus
-Sher
-Feb. 8, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications
Sher's Place
Flee From The Hater
He paints your life,
But he paints it with hammers.
Teary black eye,
But he buys you glamour.
He let's you inside,
They he claws like the tiger.
Bathes you in gasoline,
And he sets you on fire.
Chorus:
You blame yourself
For every fist that he makes,
For every black eye he gives,
Every nose that he breaks.
Can't blame yourself
For all the fists that he makes,
All the lies that he gives,
Every promise he breaks.
Bloody black eye,
He comes home feeling super.
To him you cry,
He puts you in a stupor.
Beats you senseless,
He remains as the breaker.
He paints your life,
But he paints it with hammers
Chorus
Look at him now,
He's sitting there glowing.
Every screamed word,
It goes by without knowing.
He enjoys having you,
Enjoys giving and showing.
Gives you the pain,
Shows that he's hating.
He paints your world,
But he paints it with hammers.
Look at yourself,
Turn and face the breaker.
All the rage you feel,
For the one who's the taker.
The giver of pain,
The undenying love faker.
Chorus
And you can't blame yourself
For every face that he makes,
All the pain that he gives,
Every limb that he breaks.
It isn't your fault
He lives as the breaker,
He enjoys to give pain,
He lives as the taker.
Find in yourself,
Find your own breaker.
To break away the pain,
To flee from the taker.
Find in yourself,
Find your cry tower.
Cry out the pain,
And flee from the hater.
C.A. Larson ©1998 Clownshredder Publications
Corners Of A Mind
Laying here - Eyes shut
Traveling back to the days
I had to become an adult
Because of an adult
Laying here - Eyes shut
Seeing death
Lurking in the deep black corners
Corners no adult wishes to enter
But I - (A child still) - Have
These places can kill you
If you threaten them
By talking - Telling
Because you were taught - Be silent
I control you - Ignore it
In a million ways
By a trusted adult
Go to these corners
And guilt overpowers you
You dirty unworthy daughter
Of course you deserve
Everything you get
And knowing no boundaries
People use you
Here in these corners
Grief and pain become unbearable
So long ago - You became immune to it
Because these corners - Know no mercy
Here you creat locks - Masks - Walls
To survive - If you're lucky
There may be an unlocked window
But you'll have to find it
I am too weak and scared
Lost and afraid
To move
Laying here - Eyes shut
I scream no.
© 1998 Christi
(No title)
Passing her on the street
Asking her how she's doing
Smiling, she says okay
Even though both know
Okay means dodging insults
And traces of alcohol
And another woman
In his eyes
Staying behind him
In shadows of fear
Living a life
Of excuses
Becoming his sex toy
Yo-yo, Punching bag
As does the child
Who weeps in a corner
Alone and silent
Crossing her fingers
He won't fuck with her tonight
Counting her only blessing
That she is still alive
You know this
As she smiles and says okay
Because you smile
And say things are okay too.
© 1998 Christi
Surface Level
I see you standing alone
Dressed in black
People surround you
Only looking for your smile
And cheerful voice
Forgetting that your soul
Is buried deep within
Somewhere forbidden
The pain is lost
Underneath lies
The tears are frozen
In a cave of ice
I see you standing alone
Dressed in black
Unspoken pain
Piercing the silence
An unspoken past
Shrouded in darkness
People surround you
Only looking for your smile
That will give them
The comfort - The lie
They feed upon
At your expense.
© 1998 Christi
A FEW SMALL REPAIRS
I wanted to prevent violence
from happening in my family
but sometimes you succeed
other times you fall
I am up to my neck
in all this violence
why can't we
make it all go away
chorus:
we need to do what we can to bring back peace again
to bring love back into our lives
nobody cares but a few small repairs
will start us over again
true love is loving one another
for this is stronger than hate
love is what we need
to show the light, to bring others back home
© 1998 Layne Lucas
Layne
Hating Sundown and New Moons
I couldn't stand to see,
the sky turn purple...and no moon.
For it meant the night
would come with whispers,
prying, squeezing hands
and other things to fill
too small spaces in the dark
Monsters with tentacles
would have been
welcome companions.
They were figments.
Scary childhood figments.
That would one day go away.
I am still hating sundowns
and new moons,
for what they brought and hid.
Things that stay with me.
Always.
© Ruth Solomon 1998
The Pages of
Ruth Solomon - Realm of the Onyx Muse
Eyes Of Ember
Grief is a slow, moving silhouette
that knows not how to sleep.
And my weary eyes, of ember, weep
to see a world
full of despair and hate.
Race against race,
brother against brother
man against woman and child,
man against man
in a jungle, wild.
Let us walk free, the earth
I pray, free from danger, free of fear
from beast of man
that lurk in jungle shadows near,
who prey on the young and old.
We are the men, women and children
of Gods lost garden of Eden.
Who are envisioned in evil fantasies
in the darkenss between beast of man, and his mind.
(C)1996
by Janice Davis Williams
Dakota2329's Home Page
The Vows We Spoke Are Now Broke
We married for love ever after,
but loneliness has replaced the laughter.
A raise of your hand has replaced
a once gentle touch.
You don't seem to care to much.
Love turned into hate,
if loves going to hurt that way.
I don't want to participate.
For the vows you spoke
have slowly broke.
A love put under a curse;
we said for better or worse.
Honor and obey. Who is to say
till death do us part, when love has left its mark.
(C)1985
by Janice Davis Williams
Dakota2329's Home Page
I FINALLY SEE IT NOW
my eyes can't help but wonder
back to a time of love
up till now it was the last thing
I wanted to think of
then is where I had a place to go
a place to call my home
but here there is nothing left
but these old streets I roam
I get by in this life
with what I have somehow
everything changes over time
so I finally see now
you would think that my life was over
because it all has past
but somehow I got through
and here I am at last
I want to go back right now
when I was the happiest
but I must face reality
and be happy I made it to this..point
© 1998 layne lucas
Layne
DEVOTION
My heart is like an ocean
so big and so wide
it's a mystery of knowing
what's deep down inside
it goes on forever
it has no end
I want to share with you
so please dive in
we can swim forever
right here together
this is our ocean
I love you for life
and I'm here for you
will all my devotion
if you ever get lost at sea
calling for someone to help
you know you can count on me
to save yourself
I'll be there by your side
forever and ever
it maybe rough waves we travel
but we're in this thing together
© 1998 layne lucas
Layne
I’ve Helped An Angel To Fly
By Bob Ricker
09/15/96
The Ricker Music Group Inc.
Tele# (919) 362-1294 or (615) 664-1465
© 1997 by Bob Ricker - All Rights Reserved, Email RickerSong@AOL.com
Copyright September 1997
She came so early in the morning
With the rain pouring down
My life became so wonderful
Just having her around
She was so helpless
And I held her so tight
It seemed she was a miracle
It all seemed so right
We each became the other
We swore our love would always be
To cherish each moment
The rest of the world we did not see
My heart was breaking
when I started to doubt
Like a lifeless creature
whose heart has been torn out
Chorus
I put my hands on her shoulders
I kissed her and thought I would die
I looked one more time, and she was on her way
I then realized I’ve helped an angel to fly
Bridge
But somehow I knew, It wasn’t meant to be
somehow, she would be with someone else
someone, not me
although in my heart
her love, and a part of her will always be
Chorus
I put my hands on her shoulders
I kissed her and thought I would die
I looked one more time, and she was on her way
I then realized I’ve helped an angel to fly
The Ricker Music Group, Inc.
MY LIFE
(machelle naylor)
my life is filled with love and hate
my life is so depressing
my life is very sheltered
my life is very weird
my life is filled with so much hardships
my life says i can't fit in
my life says im ugly
my life says i won't find a man
my life is filled with thoughts of death
my life is filled with thoughts of life
my life is filled with friends who care
my life is field with friends who don't
my life says that i am a prisoner
my life says i will never have freedom
my life is filled with people who think they're all that
my life is filled with people who are christians
my life is filled with people who aren't
my life is filled with decisions
my life is filled with consequences
my life is filled with few friends
my life is filled with many enemies
my life is filled with bad things
my life is filled with good things
my life is filled with lights
my life is filled with dark
my life is filled with lots of little things
my life is filled with lots of big things
my life is filled with things i like
my life is filled with things i hate
my life is filled with friend so pretty
my life is filled with friends so skinny
my life says tome that i am fat
my life says to me that i can not sing
my life says to me i can't do good in school
my life says i should quit
my life sayd i should not
my life is filled with ciggarets
my life is filled with profanity
my life is filled with thougts of drinking
my life is different from everyone elses
my life is simply my life.
copywrite 1998
Monsters
(Chorus)
Some days you think you’d be better off dead
When the monsters that live in your house
are bigger and so much scarier than
any monsters with in your head
When your life is filled with terror and fear
And every day you cry more tears
Some days you think you’d be better off dead
When every day you’re hated, hurt and used
And all your life that’s all you’ve known
The place where you live is not a home
And even though you know it’s wrong
Some days, it seems you can’t to go on
When you want to run but you have to stay
Knowing if you go someone you love will pay
Repeat Chorus
When you try so hard just to survive
Fueled by the hope of a tolerable life
A dream of happiness is so elusive
when you live in a household that’s abusive
When a hug and a kiss and a gentle touch
Is all that you want. Is that too much?
It’s so hard to go on and not give up
Repeat Chorus
-Sher
-May 20, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications
Sher's Place
"Real Words - Real Situations - Real People -Real Government?"
"Good Behavior"
"got out early"
"State could not revoke 'gain time'"
"kidnapping and murdering"
"a month later"
"five-year-old abused''
"tortured"
"tied"
"scalded"
"forced to drink whiskey
with hot peppers"
"cut the most tender areas
of his body"
"Sentencing called for 25 years"
"sentenced 18 months in a pre-release
center"
"preparing to return to the community"
"release could happen as early as October"
"Lifelong Rapist"
"molesting children
when six years old"
"At 19 sentenced to life in 74"
"refused therapy"
paroled after eight years in '82"
"arrested in '83"
"sentenced to 20 years"
"paroled in '90"
"arrested in '94"
"confessed to at least 20 rapes"
"assaults at knifepoint or gunpoint"
"86 crimes"
Gee...ya know? that's a real shame...crimes against the "state"
except for one thing,
"WE" ARE the STATE!
When do WE, the state, the government, the people
Remember
that WE ALLOW these laws to be MADE and CARRIED OUT
When do We, the people, the state, the government of the people,
by the people, FOR the people
STOP the MADNESS?
© 1998 Claiborne S. Walsh
Claiborne Walsh's Poetry
Love Left It’s Mark
Dedicated to
The Centre County Women’s Resource Center
State College, PA
and Domestic Violence workers everywhere
It seems so many times …..Love left it’s mark
Some faded out with time…..Love left it’s mark
And some remain…..Love left it’s mark
Some marks are visible…..Love left it’s mark
So many hidden…..Love left it’s mark
Scratches and bruises fade …..Love left it’s mark
Cuts turn to scars…..Love left it’s mark
Deep inside the wounds remain…..Love left it’s mark
You can’t go back again…..Love left it’s mark
It’s time to call for help…..Love left it’s mark
Can’t do it on my own…..Love left it’s mark
Find love and friends who care…..Love left it’s mark
Show me another way…..Love left it’s mark
It’s been a long hard fight…..Love left it’s mark
I smile and laugh again…..Love left it’s mark
And I am here to say…..Love left it’s mark
There is another way…..Love left it’s mark
-Sher
-October 17, 1998
© 1998 Dear One Publications
Sher's Place
Little Pieces
Once upon a time
Once upon a time
Oh oh
Once upon a time you treated me oh so fine
You didn't waste my time
You didn't make me feel so sad
Now
Everything is wrong
I can't sing my song
You got me feelin' oh so bad
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
Once upon a time you were my king
You did every little thing
I didn't have to ask you twice
Now sugar has turned sour
You got meaner by the hour
And you treat me cold as ice
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
To pieces
Little pieces
To pieces
Little pieces
I wish I didn't love you anymore
I wish I could lock that door
I wish that I could throw away the key
Then I could walk away
Nothin' you could do or say
You could never bother me 'cause
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
To Pieces
Little pieces
To pieces
Tiny little pieces
You are breakin' my heart
You are breakin' my heart
Pieces
Tiny little pieces
Pieces
Tiny little pieces
Once upon a time you were my king
Every little thing
Now you're breakin' my heart
Yeah
To pieces
-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music
Candy Sanders - The Gangster of Love
Hell to Pay
I been playin' roulette with myself
I been watchin' the clock on the shelf
I don't care what you say
Got tears in my heart
You got hell to pay Oh
I been watchin' leaves as they fall
Mmm. I been countin' tears in my hall
Better be careful everyday
I got my vision you got hell to pay
Oh - Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later you got hell to pay
I been feelin' a knife in my heart
I been countin' tears from the start
You'll get back everything you gave
I got my time you got hell to pay & Pay
Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later you got hell to pay
Yay - Ya - Ya
Seen the devil he's waitin' on your soul
When he gets you, he'll never let go
I don't care what you say
I got my vision
You got hell to pay
Comes around goes around
Come what may I say
Comes around goes around
Sooner or later
you got hell to pay
Hey everyday ya yet yet
One day you'll be happy
One day you'll be sad & some day
One day I'm gonna be so glad
Yeah-ay
You got hell to pay & pay
It's just a matter of time
Ooh yeah oh oh yeah
I got my heart on my sleeve
You got hell to pay
& pay & pay
-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music
Candy Sanders - The Gangster of Love
Italian Girl
Don't bring her here
That Italian girl
I can't stand to be near
That Italian girl
She's so unkind
Doesn't ever unwind
Totally outof her mind
That Italian girl
Keep her far away
That Italian girl
Don't wanna see her today
That Italian girl
Got a heart of stone
Tell her not to phone
Chills me to the bone
That Italian girl
What does she care
When she's cold as ice
What does she know
She's a stone cold lullaby
She's a jagged little pill
That Italian girl
I wish looks could kill
That Italian girl
She brings on the min
Gives you nothin' but pain
I bet she's a little insane
That Italian girl
She doesn't care
She's colder than ice
What does she know
She's a stone cold lullaby
Adios, Au revoir', Au veda sang, Bye Bye
Adios, Au revoir', Au veda sang, Bye Bye
Adios, Say farewell to a stone cold lullaby
Bye bye
Adios, Au revoir'
Not a minute too soon
Adios, Au Veda sang
I hope she moves to the moon
Adios, Say farewell
To a stone cold lullaby
Bye Bye, Bye Bye
Bye Bye, Bye Bye
-Candy Sanders
© 1998 Sweet Sound Music
Blue Away
You can tell me words that cut me down to the ground
Criticize me for the answers I haven’t found
You can give me one good reason not to give it a try
But your words will not hold me down
‘Cause my dreams are here to stay
And my soul will always find a way
I can see the sun shining through the storm
As you’re wondering why you’re so tired and torn
My dreams are here to stay
And I love the challenge of a rainy day
You know I’ll always chase that blue away
You can tell me once again I still don’t belong
Point out each and every single time I’m wrong
Temporarily, you’ll maybe wipe the smile off my face
But discouragement won’t stay long
‘Cause my dreams are here to stay
And my soul will always find a way
You give your best shot trying to pull me down
But in the end it kinda turns your world around
It’s not your game to play and those really aren’t the best words to say
But I don’t mind cause I can chase that blue away
You can wish on a star but if you don’t know who you are
How do you think it might come true?
Don’t worry about where I stand on the mountain
Climb to the top and paint your own damn view
My dreams are here to stay and my soul will always find a way
I can see the sun shining through the storm
As you’re wondering why you’re so tired and torn
My dreams are here to stay
And you’ll find me dancing on a rainy day
You know I’ll always chase the blue away
You know I’ll always chase the blue away
-Diesel
© 1998 Mr. Roosey's Songs, ASCAP
Dieselmusic.com
Reversal
Suspended
Over me
Upon mythical elbows
I see a gaping, glaring,
Face contorted
In deliberated plunges.
You grind yourself into me,
Repeatedly
Pushing, forcing, spitting
Pulp up into unwilling walls,
Not caring,
Only wanting to spawn
Seeds of hate and violence.
Mighty, sweating efforts
Rend me,
Split me in half,
Take me while destroying me,
Save me while killing me
Like a wasp with paralyzing sting
And I, the caterpillar,
As your silent, living sacrifice
Sulphurous sweat
Drips upon my skin,
Burns like acid.
I hear it hiss,
Leave scars, wounds, stains,
Create maniacal laughter
At my discomfort,
My digust,
My terror,
My pain.
These struggles,
This helpless, simpering, writhing,
Serves to restay your efforts.
Attempts to purge are useless.
Your filthy diseased world
Repels me, invades me,
Enters me,
Rupturing vessels, destroying
Walls of safety and sacrum.
Too large for me,
Yet again, this makes
Your despicable laughter
Ring like struck, cold steel,
Creating more vibrations.
Each movement bringing more
Tearing,
Ripping,
Bleeding.
Cessation of movement,
Eyes unseeing,
Brain unfunctioning,
But even hiding in deepest reptilian cortex
I cannot get away.
Cannot get breath,
As this heaviness multiplies
With each continued stroke
Until I feel you permeate my being
like pustules of poison.
I am infected.
Involuntarily, I begin to move
to your movements,
rising to create
the bowl that
relishes your spillage.
I can no longer control myself,
and will not stop until
I have become you.
© Claiborne Schley Walsh
Claiborne Walsh's Poetry
Another Way
The question haunts me each night as I lie awake and cry
I wish somehow you could tell me "Why? Mama, Why?"
I guess you couldn’t stand the pain and hurt another day
But, Mama, don’t you think you could have found another way
Awoke from a sleep when three shots split the night
CLOSE! I stumbled to the hallway in fright
Mama was there with a gun in her hand
My mind in a haze, trying to understand
She said "You’d better go see if you can help your Stepdad.
He really was bleeding. It looked pretty bad."
She looked into my eyes and reloaded three shells
It seemed like slow motion as each one fell
She said "Go get some help, it’ll be OK."
And she turned from me and walked away
I stumbled to the door and into the street
My mind wouldn’t seem to move my feet
I ran to the neighbor’s, banged on their door
Somehow I tried to tell them the story
Then to my horror, one more shot rang out
I knew in my heart what that was about
You were all that I had, and now you’re gone
But somehow I have to try to go on
Mama, I miss you each and every day
I wish you could have found another way
-Sher
-February 15, 1999
© 1999 Dear One Publications
Sher's Place
Back to Sher's Place
This Poetry Webring site owned by
Sher.
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